Being a Therapist for as many years as I have been teaches you a lot. One important thing I have learned is that everybody has a story. I get the privilege to hear people’s stories minutes after we meet. I truly feel honored every time. The benefit of hearing people’s stories is that it has developed a kind of empathy inside me that I can’t describe. When I am in line at the store and the person in front of me is impatient and angry at the cashier, I always wonder what is their story? Did something happen at home before they came into the store? Or perhaps something in their life has created so much anger there is no room for patience. When someone is angry because I am driving the speed limit and they wiz by me making a hand gesture and pressing the gas, I wonder what happened today to create such a rush. I say a prayer God will give them peace.
Teaching empathy to kids
Empathy is so important to teach our kids. One thing I have tried to teach my kids since they were little was the concept that everyone has a story. It doesn’t excuse mean or rude behavior but sometimes it can explain it and help our response to be more calm and less reactive. I never knew if this was really making a difference until my at the time 6th grade son returned from church camp. His story went like this…..
“There was a boy in our group and He was sooo annoying, Mom. I mean none of us wanted to be around him at first. He kept starting fights and picking on people. Anytime we were having fun he would try to ruin it. The counselor let him get away with a lot and that made me mad, too. But then on the 3rd day, we were in our group sharing about some things. He broke down crying and told us his Mom had passed away this year. I felt SO bad for him. I remembered what you said……about everyone having a story. I realized that’s why he had been acting that way!! All the sudden I wanted to be his friend. The rest of the week went great because we all tried to be his friend and he quit acting mean.”
Wow. There is so much to unpack in this little story. Once the little boy opened up about what was really going on with him, the kids showed him empathy and connected with him. Then he didn’t want to be mean anymore. His anger deflated, even if just for a bit while he was at camp. The hard part is, most of us aren’t in a camp setting where we can get to the anger inside someone. But what if we first offered empathy instead of anger back at someone? What if we offered a kind word instead of a snide comment under our breath? Or what if we just offered up a prayer for that person, so they could experience calm in their life? All of those are small ways to offer empathy.
We truly never know what people are going through. Most of us most of the time are coming out of a storm or heading into one. Especially right now in 2020. We ALL are going through something. Even if not personally, we all have a concern or fear about what is happening in our world and country.
What can we do?
I want to challenge each of us, today and every day after, to offer empathy to one another. Take a deep breath and think for a second that maybe the person beside you is going through something or coming out of something. Maybe the angry man at the grocery just lost his job and is angry he is having to charge his groceries on a card he can’t pay. Maybe the cashier is stressed that she is working a double to make ends meet because her husband can’t work because he is immune compromised. Maybe the grouchy secretary at the office just found a lump in her breast and is waiting for her appointment to know whether it’s bad news. Will she be undergoing breast cancer treatment in the middle of a pandemic? You just never know what others are going through.
What would happen if we all offered empathy to one another? It doesn’t mean we agree or see everything the same. It doesn’t mean we excuse or okay negative behaviors. We just offer a kind word or a prayer for that person, regardless of what we see.
Thank you for reading. I value every minute you spent on this today. Have a blessed day!
Natalie